and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
What a dumb baby whore.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
