Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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