There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
