I accidentally burped into my bong.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
