Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
