Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
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He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
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Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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