oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
