Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
