i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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