Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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