Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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