I think I died a long time ago.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
