Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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