If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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