but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
