it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
