She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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