If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
