I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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