i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
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he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
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He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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