My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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