I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
