I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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