I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
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