sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
