did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
