Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
