somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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