You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
