im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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