Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
