he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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