Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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