it was like his penis was on wheels.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
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