i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
