last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
