I wish you could order shots online.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize