At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
