just come out here and I will go home with you...
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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