We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
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I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
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why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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