yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
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You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
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I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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