I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
