At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
