She went from zero to smokin in five shots
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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