and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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