toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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