i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
