Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
