Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
