she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
