i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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