Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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