god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
