Your favorite bartender is back from prision
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
