just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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