i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
