Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
