I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
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I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
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just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
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