Duck Duck Cougar?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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